Talking tee shirts

It's official, karma has a sense of humor...and so do tee shirt makers apparently. Now I'm a big girl myself, so when I describe someone as fat, chunky, huge, etc. I can say it without prejudice because I am it! Having given y'all that precursor, it's always - almost always the same stereotypes that have the most bizaare teeshirts on. I could and am one day going to start an "as seen in Harnett County....." tee shirt list. Obviously, pictures of these people in the teeshirts would give much more evidence to the amusing nature of said shirts - if it were not illegal, I'd be right on top of that Rose.....

As seen in the lobby of a public service building:

Yes, You can have ALL of this.........worn by a 300 lb dentally challenged female. White. Bleached blonde hair or maybe black dyed roots- not sure which...with white short shorts on that are hung in the crotch - you know what I mean by hung in the crotch---in big girls, it should be a style of short- maybe called the A-frame because the material hangs up in the crotch because the thighs are thick and there is no room for movement, thus creating the appearance of an A in the crotch area. These style of shorts are seen almost daily in the summer. I digress. Just let me say...just because it is summer- don't mean we can all celebrate it....


Thug...worn by a blinged encrusted, golden toothed fellow- African American. I feel like underneath the word thug there should have been a disclaimer such as "stating the obvious"

Another "stating the obvious" herein known as STO-

Black gentleman wearing a black tee with green lettering stating" my president is black"

"My mom gets welfare" - worn by a teenage goth looking kid in the public services lobby - STO of course. all I can say is TORE UP FROM THE FLOOR UP!!!!!!!!

Feel free to add your own here...as I continue about my day shaking my head in awe!
Where do these shirts come from?? Are these people without mirrors? Do they even read what they say? How do they not get the obvious irony?

More questions than answers..........

Bathroom etiquette

Yes, I know, its like the booger on your face everybody sees but are too embarrassed to tell you about.... But, (no pun intended) when you are at work, I believe there are certain rules of Bathroom Etiquette. Lucky for you dear one, I am here to enlighten you! Feel free to add your own suggestions!!
After just having visited our office salle de bains I decided it just had to be said. What is acceptable and what isn't?
Is it ok to identify the person in the stall next to you by their shoes? Yes! And if you feel like it...speak to them. It detracts from what is actually going on. Although, as a word of caution, for some people, it distracts them so much they can't go. Know your neighbor.
Duceing - You know what I'm talkin about,...2...poop...taking the kids to the pool...the key here is FLUSH, FLUSH, FLUSH!AS YOU GO! Nobody wants to smell your stench..and we particularly don't want to smell it half way down the hall, alerting us to your presence or that you have been there. (and the guilty partys shall remain nameless here, but just know, the whole building is aware of your stinkage)
And for God's sake..if you leave residue on the seat...of ANY kind, clean it off! Always check behind yer hinney!
Air freshener is nice, but please, I implore...don't overdo. It will not mask the fact you have just tore up the bathroom with your odor. Overdoing it will only make it worse..and gag the rest of us.
Is it ok to identify to others when they arrive...and the stench greets them before you do..is it ok to let them know..it wasn't you? Unquestionably. And if they look doubtful, as if they don't believe, Identify the culprit if you know. All bets are off if you are getting the blame for someone else's poop. Indeed!
If you know someone is sitting in the stall next to you, waiting for you to leave so they can poo..for God's sake---get the heck outta there and let them go before they explode.
As an aside, if the person in the stall next to you is being completely unladylike, it is ok to give them that knowing angry look the next time you pass them in the hall. They know they are farting without shame..also, don't hesitate to call them out on it. It's your dooty...heheh
Lastly, but not least..wash your hands before you leave. Nobody likes stinky handed people ya know

from my Department of Agriculture job...

it was amusing............

Thursday, April 24, 2008
from my Dept. of Ag job ---
some silly things I've heard today.
him: Hello, I would like to register some horse treats.
Me: ok, great. what is the name of the treat.
him: Uncle Jimmy's Hanging Horse Balls.
:::silence:::
Me: really? ok.
him: yes. they will be 5 inch hanging balls in stalls of horses.
::::silence::::
hold, ill transfer you............INTO OBLIVION YOU JERK.....thank god for the ability to pass the buck...........NEXT........
now you know he knows what hes implying with this........:::sighs::
----------------------------------------------------------
call from Argentina
him: Hello, I would like to see about registering some pet food.
Me:. ok. what sort of food (thinking this should be good)
him: Duck food.
Me: duck food? you mean grains?
him: no duk food
Me: ok.....what size ducks
him: big ones.
Me: well, is the food just for ducks or can other fowl consume it also?
him: fowl? what is fowl?? I mean duk!
:::silence:::
Me: dog? duck? what?
him: woof woof duk.
Me: a barking duck?? (thinking, is that like a barking spider????)
Hold please while I transfer you..........INTO OBLIVION YOU GEEK! thank god for passing the buck yet again......
(you see, i dont handle that department yet the switchboard keeps sending me those calls....)
I think, therefore I........giggle at the intelligently oppressed

Any other photo would have made this just another story

however....TRUE STORY!!

http://www.wral.com/news/news_briefs/story/5815734/

Enfield, N.C. — An Enfield woman was being held in jail without bond Tuesday after Halifax County authorities said she beat her husband over the head with a frying pan.
Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff's Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.
The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.
Rosie Lewis was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.
James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.
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