Sunday, August 30, 2009

that thing that lives under the bed

or in the closet or in the know what I am talking about....the thing that steals one of everything I own!!

Since Monday I have lost one mary jane cat shoe, one clarks loafer, one flip flop, my debit card and my scoop cell phone. All within the confines of my bedroom.

Normally, I would acquiesce that my bedroom is a haven for the lost but I refuse to believe this. Especially when I have left no basket of laundry undumped, no matress unlifted, no drawer unpulled, these things just are not there. I was able to clean as I searched. Frantic searching for four hours turned up nothing but severe aggravation and plenty of accusations to other family members - all to no avail.

I have given up the search for now...but I will not let it go. What is going to happen is that tonight as I go to sleep I will say that special prayer my late aunt Brenda (OBM) taught me--usually it is pure magic---you chant over and over ---that which is hidden ...insert item here.....shall be revealed..while you chant you must picture it in your mind. Usually it works. I haven't done this on my shoes because they haven't been important enough yet. I did use it for my phone no dice. It did work for my debit card..which appeared on the floor beside of the bed as if it dropped straight out of the magically induced atmosphere at my feet. I will be chanting it as I go to sleep now and begrudgingly use that cheap alltel phone I got from my cell cam....ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....That which is scoop...shall be revealed....

ocd much???

Monday, August 24, 2009

Talking tee shirts

It's official, karma has a sense of humor...and so do tee shirt makers apparently. Now I'm a big girl myself, so when I describe someone as fat, chunky, huge, etc. I can say it without prejudice because I am it! Having given y'all that precursor, it's always - almost always the same stereotypes that have the most bizaare teeshirts on. I could and am one day going to start an "as seen in Harnett County....." tee shirt list. Obviously, pictures of these people in the teeshirts would give much more evidence to the amusing nature of said shirts - if it were not illegal, I'd be right on top of that Rose.....

As seen in the lobby of a public service building:

Yes, You can have ALL of this.........worn by a 300 lb dentally challenged female. White. Bleached blonde hair or maybe black dyed roots- not sure which...with white short shorts on that are hung in the crotch - you know what I mean by hung in the crotch---in big girls, it should be a style of short- maybe called the A-frame because the material hangs up in the crotch because the thighs are thick and there is no room for movement, thus creating the appearance of an A in the crotch area. These style of shorts are seen almost daily in the summer. I digress. Just let me say...just because it is summer- don't mean we can all celebrate it....

Thug...worn by a blinged encrusted, golden toothed fellow- African American. I feel like underneath the word thug there should have been a disclaimer such as "stating the obvious"

Another "stating the obvious" herein known as STO-

Black gentleman wearing a black tee with green lettering stating" my president is black"

"My mom gets welfare" - worn by a teenage goth looking kid in the public services lobby - STO of course. all I can say is TORE UP FROM THE FLOOR UP!!!!!!!!

Feel free to add your own I continue about my day shaking my head in awe!
Where do these shirts come from?? Are these people without mirrors? Do they even read what they say? How do they not get the obvious irony?

More questions than answers..........

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Bathroom etiquette

Yes, I know, its like the booger on your face everybody sees but are too embarrassed to tell you about.... But, (no pun intended) when you are at work, I believe there are certain rules of Bathroom Etiquette. Lucky for you dear one, I am here to enlighten you! Feel free to add your own suggestions!!
After just having visited our office salle de bains I decided it just had to be said. What is acceptable and what isn't?
Is it ok to identify the person in the stall next to you by their shoes? Yes! And if you feel like it...speak to them. It detracts from what is actually going on. Although, as a word of caution, for some people, it distracts them so much they can't go. Know your neighbor.
Duceing - You know what I'm talkin about,...2...poop...taking the kids to the pool...the key here is FLUSH, FLUSH, FLUSH!AS YOU GO! Nobody wants to smell your stench..and we particularly don't want to smell it half way down the hall, alerting us to your presence or that you have been there. (and the guilty partys shall remain nameless here, but just know, the whole building is aware of your stinkage)
And for God's sake..if you leave residue on the seat...of ANY kind, clean it off! Always check behind yer hinney!
Air freshener is nice, but please, I implore...don't overdo. It will not mask the fact you have just tore up the bathroom with your odor. Overdoing it will only make it worse..and gag the rest of us.
Is it ok to identify to others when they arrive...and the stench greets them before you it ok to let them wasn't you? Unquestionably. And if they look doubtful, as if they don't believe, Identify the culprit if you know. All bets are off if you are getting the blame for someone else's poop. Indeed!
If you know someone is sitting in the stall next to you, waiting for you to leave so they can poo..for God's sake---get the heck outta there and let them go before they explode.
As an aside, if the person in the stall next to you is being completely unladylike, it is ok to give them that knowing angry look the next time you pass them in the hall. They know they are farting without shame..also, don't hesitate to call them out on it. It's your dooty...heheh
Lastly, but not least..wash your hands before you leave. Nobody likes stinky handed people ya know


"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." -- Anonymous ..

it's just tea...or is it??

for god's sake we are in the south people!Today,I stopped my daughter by dunkin donuts for a cappucino blast. That doesn't appeal to me in the least as it is WAY too sweet and ice creamy for I see a sign that says something to the effect that they now have tea and its the best ever. Well, being southern and you know us southerners are fanatical about our sweet tea...I could not resist tasting the best tea ever. So I ordered a large. I pulled up, awaiting my coveted new best ever tea ever so patiently. Finally it arrives. As I unwrap the dainty pink straw with the utmost anticipation I size up my sweet best ever tea. The color is just right - not too dark, sort of light, almost a clear...well..tea color...the ice cubes are in abundance, the cup is clear and pretty darn cool...I insert straw and take a big honkin sup...and...DISAPPOINTMENT! As I gag on the unsweetness of it all, the sodajerk is watching me..and I look at her with certain disdain..."is this sweet?" I choked out to her. She looks at me like I have one eye in my the center of my forehead and replies it is. I'm sure she could tell by the look on my face I didn't believe her because she then breaks out into this long speech about how all their tea is::::GASP::: unsweetened and they pump sugar in it when you ask for a sweet tea. What the.....that ain't how you make sweet tea down south sugah....its brewed with the sugar in it..then steeped with the sugar in it...innocently she asks if she can add some sugar to it;I'm seriously doubtful that it will help but I let her. She asks if I'd like to taste it before I leave, and in my deep disappointment I tell her no because I am sure that whatever she has done to it, it will not be as it should be. I pull around to wait for my daughter to come out.(I was not allowed to go in with her, as I would cramp her style as she chats with her friends in there) and wait. The tea tastes like tree syrup now. And then I know what..I worked hard for that $3 or so I just paid for this tree sap...heellll, when she comes out, I implore her to take it back in and get it like it started, I should have been thankful for that barely sweet compared to the end result. After drinking 20 or so sips of it, I became accustomed to it. It may not be so bad after all. It's possible I may just buy some again. Maybe.

Customer service gripe

live in a small town. There aren't many choices when it comes to eating out. We do have a Subway which happens to be one of my family's favorite places to eat. Well until last weekend - and now again this weekend. We are regulars there, every weekend either before my daughter's football game or on Saturday before her competetions.
It's always been a bit annoying that when you go through the drive through you are not top priority. Meaning you can sit at the drive through and watch people that walked in after you got to the window and see them get served before you. I've gotten use to this, simply because I have a baby and it is not always convenient for me to take him in while getting food to go. Or to eat in because he is very impatient at his current age. Therefore, I have learned to deal with the wait for the in exchange for the convenience of not having to take myself and the baby inside.
Having said all this:
Beginning last weekend there was a new girl working the drive through. The attitude and impatience of this chick is unbelievable. Before I can finish a sentence I get the :::sighs:: and her most you are an idiot tone of voice..a question that cuts me off and is asking the same thing I am trying to tell her. For instance I say, I would like a veggie delight on....and bang, cut off to ask what kind of bread...again as soon as I can spit out the answer I get an aggravated question of toppings...and then she is highly annoyed that I ask for a list of the different types of bread.
At first I thought ok, someone must have peed in her mocha latte' this morning and she is just having a bad day. I think not. Because today I got the exact same scenario played over again only with more impatience. As she threw my change back at me I thought ya know, I think I am going to complain to her manager. I saw him in there and he is the one that brought my order to me. I said to him, you are the manager yes? Correct he answered in a very thick East Indian accent. I mention his heritage because I would like to think there was a miscommunication to my complaint and his nonchalant attitude. I said to him that I felt she was being unreasonable in her tone and service towards me. His reply was that they have people to wait on inside and don't have time to spend at the window. Well, are we not customers at the drive through? Again I said, I have grown use to waiting at the window but I don't feel that I should have to be talked down to like I am a complete idiot because I do not know your menu by heart, especially when the types of things you offer are not posted on the menu outside. His reply to that is - we are not McDonald (s) and you can't just say hey 2. What the?????
So someone please tell me why do people who are not sociable people take positions in customer service or dealing with the public and why don't the owners of these businesses seem to care that they are pissing their customers off. We won't be patronizing them again.

Feel free to post ANY customer service gripes and the places you experienced them in the comments section of this blog!!
I think, therefore I am...highly annoyed!

from my Department of Agriculture job...

it was amusing............

Thursday, April 24, 2008
from my Dept. of Ag job ---
some silly things I've heard today.
him: Hello, I would like to register some horse treats.
Me: ok, great. what is the name of the treat.
him: Uncle Jimmy's Hanging Horse Balls.
Me: really? ok.
him: yes. they will be 5 inch hanging balls in stalls of horses.
hold, ill transfer you............INTO OBLIVION YOU JERK.....thank god for the ability to pass the buck...........NEXT........
now you know he knows what hes implying with this........:::sighs::
call from Argentina
him: Hello, I would like to see about registering some pet food.
Me:. ok. what sort of food (thinking this should be good)
him: Duck food.
Me: duck food? you mean grains?
him: no duk food
Me: ok.....what size ducks
him: big ones.
Me: well, is the food just for ducks or can other fowl consume it also?
him: fowl? what is fowl?? I mean duk!
Me: dog? duck? what?
him: woof woof duk.
Me: a barking duck?? (thinking, is that like a barking spider????)
Hold please while I transfer you..........INTO OBLIVION YOU GEEK! thank god for passing the buck yet again......
(you see, i dont handle that department yet the switchboard keeps sending me those calls....)
I think, therefore I........giggle at the intelligently oppressed

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Any other photo would have made this just another story

however....TRUE STORY!!

Enfield, N.C. — An Enfield woman was being held in jail without bond Tuesday after Halifax County authorities said she beat her husband over the head with a frying pan.
Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff's Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.
The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.
Rosie Lewis was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.
James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.
Copyright 2009 by Capitol Broadcasting Company. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Holla for Challah

First..for those not in the gives this explanation of challah

It’s More Than Bread Baking
According to the Talmud, the mitzvah of challah baking for Shabbat was one of three commandments assigned to women. (The other two: going to the mikvah and lighting Shabbat candles.) The word challah does not refer to the bread that is eaten, but to a small piece of dough, taken from the rest of the batch, that is burned separately under the broiler and is not consumed. This piece is said to symbolize the portion given to the priests at the time of the Temple in Jerusalem.
Tradition tells us that when a woman “takes challah” and makes the appropriate blessing, she elevates the dough and acknowledges that all her family’s sustenance comes as a gift from God.

I worked at an Orthodox Ashkanzic synagogue (shul) for almost 10 years. During this time, I came to know about the best kosher food available in Charleston (South Carolina). First, there were three kosher caters in town. Marci Rosenberg, Helen Goldberg and Pita King. For sweets, Helen Goldberg was the best. Marci's challah is the best ever. I happen to know that she has been offered much for that recipe, there is no other that can compare. However, each caterer has their own "known for" product.

First and foremost - Challah-- go to the JCC and buy tons of it. It is to die for!! As a gentile, of course it is not as significantly important to me as it is Jewish people, but I do love that bread. You will not find anything comparable to it and you will not find a recipe that comes close to tasting like it -believe me, I have tried. When I make my monthly trips home to Charleston, I make sure my parents have picked some up for me to bring home!

Now on to kosher food in Charleston:

Helen Goldberg - noodle kugle. This kugle has cream cheese, cinamon, some kinda cheese and other stuff in it. The recipe of course is a secret. But I have been known to have my mom pick me up some of this and freeze it so I can make it last as long as possible. It is that good! I have searched the net for simliar recipes but have not been able to find anything that compares. Helen does good ole fashion southern Jewish cooking at it's best! Love it!

Marci Rosenberg- Her known for recipe is the challah. Her other food is great too but in a worldly fashion. It does not have the southern flair most people are use to (or should I say those that live in the south) but if you want to travel up north via your tastebuds, let her cater some stuff for you! You won't be disappointed.

Pita King - love, love, love it! I feel like I am being tastebudily transported to New York when I eat from there. I have had several items from the menu and all have been fantastic. Plus it's Kosher!!

Do yourself and your soul a favor- eat kosher in Charleston!

Friday, August 14, 2009

A world without complaints........

What an oxymoron! A world without complaints?? What would we talk about?(1) A chatterless world?? WTF??(2) I just read an article on MSN - in which the author talks about this website: The whole crux is :

"When we complain," he writes[Will Bowen], "we are using our words to focus on things that are not as we would like. (3) Our thoughts create our lives, and our words indicate what we are thinking. It is vital that we control our minds in order to re-create our lives." (4) - Will Bowen You get a bracelet and when you complain you move it to your other wrist as a method of awarness.

I am not sure that I buy this whole concept. Sure positive thinking can move mountains. But if I could not complain about the melon heads I serve in my public service job my own melon head would pure-t explode! (5) Even at this moment I am participating in triangulation (complaining to someone about someone or something else). There is no getting away from it. (6) I do it, my children do it, (7) God knows my in laws do it (8) , the news does it (9) , movie stars do it (10) , you scream (11) , I scream (12) , blah blah blah.... Even the most innocent comment can be misconstrued as a complaint (13) . My hands would be slap wore out by the end of the day from making myself aware (14) and then what...another complaint about sore hands (15) ....grrrrr

Therefore, I am more apt to agree with Joanna Wolfe, Ph.D., professor of rhetoric (possibly 16) at the University of Louisville, most casual griping, such as commiserating over bad weather, inspires rapport. In all truthfulness, Mr. Bowen's book seems like one big honkin complaint, I don't think he's got enough energy to remove his bracelet to the other arm that many times!!Yep. The old folks said it best "Misery loves company!".

Not be catty??? Resistance is futile...MEOW
No switching bracelet soreness was experienced in the writing of this post - 16 complaints and counting!!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Comments from the Peanut Gallary

After mi esposo ( a loyal Lillington native) read my blog, he was quick to set me straight on a few things. Mind you, what I have written here still stands for my own expierences, however........

Howard's has the best bbq in town (being that they are the only bbq place in town...) and currently, they have gone back to cooking their own bbq. Also, trouts have bones.....(really? ) therefore a sandwhich would have bones in it. To this last thing I say...if they are going to serve you a sandwhich full of bones, you should at least be warned of it in the menu description as I don't know anyone that would intentionally order bones on a sandwhich.

So, there, I have made my hubby's thoughts known. Now he can rest easy!!

(But I still stand behind everything I've written...I'm just sayin.......)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Life's Ironies

Friday mornings are usually good days for me- heck for anybody that works a 9-5, M-F job. It is the portal to the weekend and we are all just waiting to be catapulted through it; I am no different.

This Friday morning I experienced an ironic life threatening event. I almost drown on Coke. Do I hear snickering?? I am dead (no pun intended) serious. Now those of you that know me can see the complete irony in this. (Read my previous blog- the paragraph touting the virtues of places to get the best Coke in my area and you can get a feel of how much I love it!) How ironic that the very thing I love--nay--that is my life blood--should almost be my demise. It is like an Olympic swimmer drowning, a Chef choking on his own food, you get it right?

So, I am cooking breakfast for my husband and decide to taste test it. I bite off a huge chunk of Kielbasa and it is H-O-T! So I go to take a swig of Coke and something has gone amiss..I have lost my talent to multitask momentato--and I can not swallow both at the same time...The kielbasa goes one way and the Coke goes the other- up my nose from my throat--it was almost poetic, Sylvia would be proud of the drama of it!

Except. That. I. Can't. Breath. With Coke up my nose, kielbasa stuck in my throat. It was a hot mess and my life passed before my eyes. As did WRAL news headlines of my suspicious death.
My husband, completely oblivious to my plight, as usual, is calling from the bedroom to get him some socks. Here I am dying and cooking his breakfast- I should be deemed a saint--and he wants socks. In the big scheme of things how important would those socks have been if he came in and found me hunched over the stove- dead from drowning, knowing he could have saved me if only he had come through the kitchen to the laundry room to get his own socks.

Luckily, I can rely on my own devices and did the self Heimlich and saved myself - all this and not even late for work!

(I can hear Alanis Morrsette's Ironic playing in my head!)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Additions and addendums

Pardon my omissions of two other eateries in Lillington-

Howard's BBQ - Sometimes I like BBQ and sometimes I like Howard's. Although rumor around town is that the same BBQ you buy in containers at Carly's Cs is the same you get at Howard's. I don't know nuthin bout that- it's just word on the street. I got a trout sandwich from there once and could not believe it was full of bones!! Who serves a sammich full of bones??!! Howard's that's who!! Also, the nitpickers club aka my friends - noted that the waitresses at Howard's serve plates and drinks with their bare hands over top of your glass and plate -you do know that is an opportunity for germs to fall off!! Howard's in emergency eats or craving only. It will do when nothing else is available.

FishFry- I've never had anything bad from this place and the price is unbeatable. The flounder is some of the best I have had. Go eat there! You won't regret it!

How could I possibly leave off beverage spots from my first blog? I know, but I did. I'm a huge beverage partaker. Beverages are very important to me. This is why I will break down the best places to get coffee & soda. I have to always have one on my desk at work since I talk non-stop!

For Soda- hands down- McDonalds has the best coke. It is the general consensus at work too. Plus currently for $1 you can't beat it! Their sweet tea is purely southern! Let's not leave out the iced mocha latte (non-fat, whip cream sans drizzle please!) Overall McD's has all areas covered pretty darn well!

Howard's BBQ usually has pretty good tea.

F.W. Bean - Honestly, I've only had the tea from there. I like tea with a bite sometimes- the gourmet kind ya know. My problem with F.W. Bean is they don't have pre-sweetened tea. So, when you want sweet, they add pure cane sugar in the bottom, which is where it usually stays--because any southerner knows that sugar will not dissolve in cold tea. The tea is hit and miss. Three strikes- they are out. I decided not to try them anymore after the third one was so sweet I could not drink it. On the upside - I got a muffin from there and it was huge and delish- although, from the appearance of the packaging, I don't think it was made there.

The Hess Mart- I know. Whodathunkit. Turns out the Hess station now has Dunkin Donuts and DD coffee/tea. You make it yourself. It is cheaper than McD's. The donuts are delish (as my co-workers will attest - personally Ima Krispey Kreme (Charleston factory only) girl so I haven't tried these DDs.) The tea does have that bite to it, but I can't decide if I like it with the liquid sugar (aka simple syrup) or with cane sugar. The cane sugar presents somewhat of the same issue as FW Beans. The coffee is slatherous! That is so fabulous you just want to slather it all ovah your lips and lick it up! Two issues- no mocha and no whipped topping for it. Other than that, price and quality are spot on! Any other of the places in town that serve beverages do not quite add up.

Hardees does deserve an honorable mention because their soda is always good, its just that it's $1 more than McD's but will do on those times when I am not heading across the river. Also, another case of being there so long I forget what I am there for! They must have had alot of complaints too because there is a management posted sign for workers that says if no cars are behind current customers not to pull cars up...which is not an issue for me anyhoo because I am one of those bitches that takes the chance of having her food spit in because when they tell me to pull response is to point to said sign and state the obvious--"I don't pull up".

Let's talk eateries!!

You never know how much you appreciate variety until you have none. You can quote me on that! I moved to Lillington 4 years ago so by now, I have gotten somewhat accustomed to having only certain choices for eating. My first visit here was total culture shock. Carly C's IGA say what???? I had never heard of a Carly C's. MiCasita's mexican huh? Where was Fazoli's?? Where is the Taco Bell? Applebees....??? There is something very wrong with a town without choices, it's like a man without a country!

After working in Raleigh for my first three years of residency here, I took a job in town so I could be closer to home. That meant I was going to have to do some serious atmosphere adjustmenting! No shopping lunches unless I was into the new flipflops at the Food Lion or the extremely limited variety of Peebles. But more importantly.....where's the beef?! What I mean is...where is the variety? Where are the places you can go and strap on the feed bag while shootin the poop with co-workers while getting a fabulous meal? Where are the new places to try in town? Variety people! Variety!!

Having said all of this, you can probably guess I have tried the various options available to me in this town. You are about to hear my reviews of the local places about town.

MiCasitas - love it. Christian--resident Mexican/Latino hottie. Very friendly (knows how to work a tip). My favorite dish here is the Mexican Pizza. To-die-for! Add guacamole please! The lunch specials are reasonable. The time frame pretty quick even on a bad day. Free chips and salsa that are really very good. Overall, my friends and I give MiCasita's the "nitpickers supreme seal of approval.

Casa Carinis - liked it! For different reasons I have mixed emotions. Atmosphere is fabulous! The fresh tomatoes on the salad bar are the best I've ever had. They obviously use them in the bruschetta which has become my all time favorite appetizer of any place I've noshed! The entrees though, to me, leave a bit to be desired. I got the chicken parm and my hubby got a seafood dish, it tasted to me as though the sauces on the two should be swapped for optimum flavor potential. I've heard the pizza rocks. As I observed a pie from afar, it looked more appealing than what I had in front of me. Also, the bread should get a more than honorable mention. There were several different types of bread in the basket. Some garlic knots - loved it. Some sourdough-hated it. Overall, the bread is a plus, the brushetta which remarkably is served on bread which was as good as the bread basket we got, was a real winner and the entrees are more than edible. The bruschetta alone is worth the trip - believe me!! The take out bruschetta is just as fabuliscious as the eat in! Try it!! Casa Carinis gets the big honkin seal of "I'll definitely eat there again sometime-especially if they swap those two sauces!".

Nonnas - pretty happy with this local version of what is to me a Fazolis. Italian food -fast. Who can beat that with a stick?! Thus far I have savored many flavors here and basically, Nonna's is always worth an encore presentation. I do have to single out the lasagna. I don't know what they do to it but this dish literally seems buttery. Not greasy mind you, butter-melt-in-yer-mouth kinda wonderful. Quarter past the best lasagna I have ever had. 'NUFF SAID! Oh- and you more than get your dollars worth here!

Ribeyes- I've eaten there a couple of times, honestly, to me it wasn't even worth the walk from the car. The value of the meal is non-existent. The salad bar is like the one I make for my family on the weekends- basically - nothing to write home about so I can end this paragraph here! Besides, the wait was so long, by the time we got served, I forgot what I was there for! Use the money you would spend there on one meal and go get yourself a few happy meals for the fam! and a pair of sassy shoes from Belk!!

So, while I wait for my heaven on earth to open up here in town--Taco Bell, I do have a few choices that I can live with in the meantime...and you should too!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Alzheimers - :(

We have met before, you know.You don't remember me, I'm pretty sure of that. After all, I was only sixteen the first time we met. I was so young and impressionable. I had no clue what you would do to my future. The first time I met you, you looked at me through the wildest eyes I have ever seen. I was haunted by you, yet I had no name to call you. I tried to keep my distance from you, but there was this thing about you that drew me to you, trying to constantly reach you through dimensions of touch, volumes of sound and softness of heart. Nothing really worked. It was a losing battle, but how could I know that? I was only sixteen after all. I will never forget the moment you so abrubtly slammed the door on my life then. One phone call, on the coldest night of that year, at the oddest time of the morning. You were gone. I was almost relieved that you had put your demons to rest and moved on. You killed every ounce of love I had and left me broken and empty. My life would not be the same for a long, long time.As the years passed, I could feel the pain begin to fade, slowly replaced by memories of times before you arrived. The strangest thing was, I still didn't really know you. Oh, I knew what you could do, you had the must inhumane power to rip souls apart. And that my friend, is no exaggeration. As the good memories, memories prior to your arrival would drift through my mind like clouds, thoughts so warm and loving. I would be so happy and so relieved that you had moved on. I can never forget that you robbed me of the purest quintessence of life as I knew it. Those eyes though. I would know them again if I saw them, in a heartbeat.Then, years later, you found me again. I don't think you were seeking me out in particular, or maybe you were. You certainly appear as though your path is mapped out in every cell of my body. But what a cruel twist of fate to know you were back. And to know I could not fight your presence. By the time I realized who you were, it was too late. You had taken over every tangle of mind, every cell of body. How could you have so covertly slipped back into my life, going virtually unnoticed until that day. The reality of it as though a bucket of ice had washed over my soul. You and everything you stand for is the greatest nightmare of my life. Not only my life but each life you've ever touched, I am sure of that. I could only sit helplessly by as you spread over each cell like the death you are. When you are done, no stone is left unturned, no life is left untouched and the breath is literally stilled. How do you do that? Why do you seem to take such joy in stealing whatever morsel of good is left? You snuff out the light of a soul ever so quickly. I hated you. I feared you. You ripped my family apart, sister by sister, mother by daughter, heart by heart. Til there was no heart left around me and certainly no essence of life as I once knew. That life that I missed so much. And yet again. You move on. As if a paper doll floating in the breeze, floating to your next destination, finding some havoc to wreck on other lives, hopefully not as successfully as you have done mine. Certainly, I am broken again, but just as before, I will find the strength to move on. You did not take my heart. Broke it yes. But it healed. You did not steal my essence and I was thoroughly educated this time. It won't happen again. This last time, I saw you. Those eyes. I could never forget that look. It's unique to you. Only as you can deliver it. Wildly lost and threatening. Primal almost. I knew it was you. It had to be. The only one that could ever affect me in this way. When I saw that first glimpse of you, I was so angry. God how I hate you. But you know what, I learned the last time. I had formulated a plan and let it rest there for what seemed like a lifetime. Only it was not. It was just 15 years or so. Waiting for your return. You always return. It's like my destiny. In fact, I know now that you are undoubtedly my destiny. Do not mistake my acceptance as weakness. I will not embrace you. Ever. In fact, I will fight you with everything I that I live and breath for. This time you have gotten closer to me than you ever have before. Hurt me worse than I ever knew even you could do. Shocked, but not unaware. Even closer and more intertwined inside of me than when I first met you. The only difference is this time my plan of action is not one of a sixteen year old. I am a woman. A grown woman. While I fear what you can do because you are still, after all these years, so unfamiliar to me, I do not fear the fight. I have waited and watched. You are slowly tugging at every memory that is a part of me and those around me. It's a struggle to remain calm. The poison of you has seeped into every cell yet again, making the once familiar things so strange and painful. There's always the pain. How do you make my heart feel as though it is literally tearing away piece by piece when I know it is still there. Beating. Fighting. Brave. and so full of love, more than when we first met. More than the mind could even imagine. The only difference now is, I am tossing the rope. I am saving the victim. I am fighting for my life and I am up for the challenge. As long as I have breath, as long as I have strength, I will never let you take over as you did those years ago. I am no longer a naive little girl that hides in the shadows, shivering in fear of being left so carelessly alone, one of the greatest loves I have ever known just snatched away in that one night. Yes I cry over you. I cry almost nightly, all it takes is a careless word, or a lost memory. I can not help the pain in my heart for what I know is lost. I will not apologize for loving what I have lost. It makes me who I am today. Just be warned, you will not win this time, nor the next. For as surely as I know you are here, I now know your name.Alzheimers.

(in loving memory of my great-grandmother, I lost her at age 16-she was the single greatest influence on my life; in memory of my grandmother, I lost her when I was age 30ish, and I loved her very much and in honor of my mother, who now has Alzheimers, but we are fighting back...)

Love and all it's randomness

Someone's blog that I read was talking about love and the search for it- and a reason for betterment, etc. Below is my response, I figured it is something we all wonder about and of course, I have something to say about it
Love- it's something people want to put in a box. Set guidelines, principles, ideas, timelines—it should be wrapped up in some neat little package so that we know what it is, when it happens, how it happened and what do to when it happens. We are seldom looking to the other side –what happens when we open that box and it is the wrong package—maybe not meant for us? Or given at the wrong time, or given for the wrong reason. You can't give it back. How simple life would be if love were like that gift you get and you can recycle it and give it to someone else or get a refund. Unfortunately, it don't work like that.So. Philosophically speaking… I prefer eros. It's the "love" of soul mates, passion, sexual desire and intense attraction. It sort of covers it all. The only downside to eros is some people don't think it is as lasting as Philia. The thing is, I don't think the different types of eros figured into that definition that the philosophers set up so long ago. I mean, I know I can feel passionately about so many things. Things and people. Either you love or you don't. For me, it's always full throttle. With Philia it's a half way. Why would you love someone a little bit? I call that "like".People like to think that there is only one soul mate. I don't believe that. I do believe there is that one great love of your life for each dimension of your life, with any luck it's the same person in each dimension, but I think to be that lucky you must "wait" to love until you are much more experienced (read- older) in eros, and who wants to do that? How can you live a long life without loving anything or anyone? Is not going to happen my friend. It's accidentally coincidental and we have no control over it. It's that whole fate/karma/meant to happen thing that greeting cards are made of!The love that you experience up until that point (of finding "the one") is a passionate ride (no pun intended) until you get to your destination. All those in betweens teach us to accept, appreciate and cultivate the ability that we have to give our brand of love to someone else. Let me emphatically say there IS true love. There is true love for everything and everyone under the sun (believe me, I see it on a daily basis at Social Services and it ain't always pretty—but I do know it is there!). The reason to better yourself, is the truelove that you have for your own self. It's there or you could not have made it this far in life, successfully, and apparently well cultivated –waiting for the one. Don't stop believing because it's there ---its all around you.

Labor Pains

Am I wrong? Isn't ABC Family network supposed to be family TV? This new movie- Labor Pains- I like it...but less than an hour into it, the word -ass has been used at least 7 times, the word virgin - once - it talks about unwed pregnancy, lying about pregnancy and shows smoking. And this is a movie my 4 year old has access to on a family channel??? It really should be on LifeTime or one of those "regular" channels not a family channel where toddlers and children have access to seeing it at any given time (because they run movies over and over after it airs the first time). wtf???